"If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry

"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
Sal Davino

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
Richard Jeni

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

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